Happiness

::Sigh:: I am just so head over heels in love. And someday we will get our happily ever after. We are perfect for each other in every possible way. I love you Schmoopie!!!


"No one will surrender tonight. But I won't give in. I know what I want." ~ Bella in "Twilight"

Some things I want to do in life...

1) I want to spend forever with the love of my life. This is without a doubt the most important thing in the world to me

2) I want to write novels and be successful at it

3) I want to travel the world (or at least the UK!) with the love of my life

4) I want to record my music

5) I want to learn different languages

Random things that I love

1) First and foremost, I love my boyfriend. He is my everything. He is the beauty in this world to me, and brings out beauty in everything around me. Everything seems so much more vibrant and alive because of him. Because he brings out the joy inside of me and makes me feel so alive. I love him with my whole heart and I will never stop loving him.

2) I love when it rains in the middle of the night, and the rest of the world shuts their windows, while I have mine wide open. I love the sound and the smell and the feeling it gives me. It's like it becomes my own personal rain storm and I'm free to get lost in the sound. It's the only time I will shut the music off and let the rain become it's own song.

3) I love curling up in a chair with my dogs and nice hot cup of tea from Harrod's (the only thing I could afford in there!) with a good book on a day when I don't have to be anywhere and it's storming outside.

4) I love when you see a movie so well done that it hits something inside of you and it keeps you up late into the night, just making your mind wander all over the place about your own life

5) I love the feeling of stepping off of a plane in another country and you have this whole new endless world in front of you, just waiting to be explored

6) I love that I cried when I landed in London, when I saw Big Ben from the plane window and feeling just in complete shock that I was actually in a place that I had wanted to go to since I was a little girl. What a great memory.

7) I love that my favorite holiday is St. Patrick's Day, instead of Christmas or something that everyone loves the most. And I don't love it because of the drinking aspect. I love it because it gives me an excuse to pull out my photos and dvds from my trip to Ireland and I can pretend for the day that I am back in that beautiful country full of different shades of green, sheep crossing the roads, and castles in every place you look.

8) I love going online and researching new music. Spending hours just listening to clips and reading reviews and ultimately finding the stuff that speaks the most to me. All the hours spent are always well worth it.

9) I love going to concerts and letting go and feeling like I'm a part of something bigger than myself

10) I love going to the beach and taking a good, long walk when the sun is just going down. Just me and my ipod, the waves crashing beside me, and my thoughts are free to go wherever they please

Yay the weekend is over!!!

It's funny because you never hear people say that they want the work week to start. Everyone lives for Friday's. I, once again, live for Monday's! I live for those rare, precious moments when we can do something as simple as make eye contact or send emails. Just being closer to you makes my heart race. You completely dazzle me everyday with how amazing you are- inside and out. I miss you so much babe. There were so many times today when I couldn't answer the phone and it just killed me. But I know that it won't be like this forever. We will be together. I just know it. And I am so incredibly happy just knowing that you are there. I was so lost without you. Every waking and sleeping hour, you are always in my thoughts and in my heart. I love you and I miss you.

Today's events

It's amazing how unexpected life can be sometimes. I guess in those moments, the moments where you feel like your world is crashing around you or you feel completely overwhelmed or unprepared, it's in those moments that you realize who will always be there for you. Who will always want to hold your hand and tell you that everything is going to be ok. I wish I could've been there with you today. You are going through something immensely difficult and due to circumstances that we can't control right now, I couldn't physically be there to hold your hand and tell you that it was all going to be ok. I just hope you know that my heart aches because you are in pain and that I will do anything to help you through this. I love you so much.

For my own Edward Cullen...

Not really song lyrics or anything. Just some words floating through my mind


Before you
my life was an endless
cloud covered night
filled with despair
and loneliness
and then you shot across my sky
like a million shooting stars
and I knew my life would never
be the same
It's as if I've been searching for the perfect song my whole life
and the song turned out to be you
Like all the events in my life
all of my past mistakes
it's all led me to you
and now the clouds have parted
and I can finally see the stars
and I wish upon every single one of them
that I will forever be able to whisper
I love you in your ear
My heart is yours and yours alone


I had the best time with you today. Always thinking of you and sending a million kisses your way....

"Hey Stephen" by Taylor Swift

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6wKX7OnqrI&feature=related

Cutest song I've ever heard. I've always liked it, but it's really become my song right now. Just replace the name "Stephen" with a different name...

"Cuz I can't help it if you look like an angel
can't help it if I want to kiss you in the rain so
come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help myself"

"Hey Stephen (insert other name there!) I could give you 50 reasons
why I should be the one you choose
all those other girls, well they're beautiful
but would they write a song for you?"

Those are my favorite parts. Seriously can't get enough of this song today.

Just some music I listened to today :)

1) Lazlo Bane- Superman http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMV8L8Jl-cw&feature=related
in honor of "Scrubs" ending tonight. I've always loved this song so much. It reminds me that no one can get through life on their own, and that you need someone by your side no matter what. It also reminds me that the future is what you make it.

2) We Are Scientists- After Hours http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rv2_LSIujHk
so I know I posted this one already, but I really love this song right now because I think it's more than just a "let's go out and party" song. To me it represents how every day of your life can have a different soundtrack and how you can always potenitally have the greatest day of your life.


3) Colbie Caillat- Tailor Made http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcPPZR2V4to
only audio I could find of the song- but it's ok cause I love "Doctor Who" anyway, haha. "He's tailor made for you..."

4) Taylor Swift- Love Story http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wRkoGKQ8qQ
"It's a love story, baby just say yes"

5) Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova- Falling Slowly http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoSL_qayMCc
this song represents falling in love to me. It's my all time favorite song

6) Paramore- Hallelujah http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xw2vcOWEJQ0
about not giving up on anything that you want in life

7) Taylor Swift-Fearless http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCqq48pOZM4
"with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress, fearless"

8) Plain White T's - 1,2,3,4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYp0GVzmLgY
just a really cute, clever love song

9) Bella's Lullaby/River Flows In You- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q85sVxa3gN0&feature=related
probably the most gorgeous piece of music I've ever heard. makes me think of someone very special to me

10) Piano Tribute Players- When it Rains http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ph_MfjNaiic
beautiful piano cover of a Paramore song

Music, music and more music

1) We Are Scientists- After Hours http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zac0QEbQbE8

2) Cary Brothers- Ride http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3kALKf9oUY&feature=related

3) Ian McCulloch- Sliding http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJcHdLQFDeE
that's my boy playing guitar :) (john simm)

4) Hanson- Great Divide http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEdoYyajTU8

5) Paramore- That's What You Get http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XHJEYsF4VA

6) Bella's Lullaby- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fORuwYBL8c
I cried watching this. It's a fan made video, the music and quotes from the book just kill me.

Today's soundtrack

Got some new music today...

1) Sliding- Ian McCulloch feat. John Simm on guitar and backing vocals by Chris Martin. How did I not know about this song before today?! John Simm is my all time favorite guitarist.

2) Ride- Cary Brothers

3) Jealousy- Cary Brothers

4) Loneliest Girl in the World- Cary Brothers

5) Take Me Back- Tinted Windows

6) Battle- Colbie Caillat

7) Feel This- Magic Alex

8) Perfect Lie- Cary Brothers

9) Decode- Paramore

10) My Heart- Paramore

11) One Fine Wire- Colbie Caillat

12) Realize-Colbie Caillat

Taught myself to play One Fine Wire, Realize and Battle this weekend. Good stuff.

Friends

Don't be afraid of hurting me. Being friends with you means the world to me and I would never ever EVER want to lose that. Don't second guess anything. We have to be in each other lives in some capacity. I need you. All those months of you not talking to me were pure hell and I can't go back to that.

What I listened to so far today...

1) The Wind Blows- All American Rejects - just saw the new video for it and loved it
2) Bella's Lullaby- various versions
3) Claire de Lune- Debussy (I'm really into piano today for some reason)
4) Oh Star- Paramore
5) My Heart (Acoustic)- Paramore
6) Take Me Back- Tinted Windows
7) When It Rains- piano version of Paramore song
8) That's What You Get- piano version of Paramore song
9) 1,2,3,4- Plain White T's
10) Beautiful Eyes- Taylor Swift
11) The Lion Fell in Love With the Lamb- Carter Burwell
12) I Could Be There For You- Eisley

"Into Twilight"

"Into Twilight"

"The day is almost done
soon our time will come
and I'm so anxious
I feel like I could burst
right out of my skin

The sun is going down
the night is drawing near
and in this twilight hour
I know you'll be right here
right here with me

Oh but when the blackness comes
I know it's almost gone
there's no more sun
our time is done
so let's go back
go back into twilight

Listen to the the sound
of the rain coming down
we're safe in your car
I'm safe inside your arms
safe inside the twilight

It's the best part of my day
when we can get away
your eyes
they shine so bright
here in this twilight

Oh but when the blackness comes
I know it's almost gone
there's no more sun
our time is done
so let's go back
back into twilight

I never thought
that love would find me
but here in the twilight
I have all that I need
the sound of your voice
it's the best music I know
you know you mesermize me
Oh, I just can't breathe

Oh but when the blackness comes
I know it's almost gone
there's no more sun
our time is done
so let's go back
back into twilight"

Picture

I need answers, and I need them soon before I totally lose my mind. I just really want a picture or two of us together. I need that forever. This is the only experience of love that I will ever have, that I choose to ever have and I want to preserve it forever. I need it. I need one more day, or one more hour, or even 5 minutes. I need it. Please, I'm begging from the bottom of my heart. Or what's left of it anyway.

Tinted Windows= Amazing

I love love love love love the Tinted Windows album. Just like I knew I would. I'm too tired right now to write a full review, but I'd have to say after a few listens, I think "Dead Serious" might be my favorite and my next song that I learn on guitar. Great job Tinted Windows!

"One More Day With You"

"One More Day With You"


Baby I think you know
that I meant it
all the words I said
I don't regret it
It's so hard to believe
that it's been so long
so tell me baby
what did I do wrong

I can't understand
things changed so quickly
now I wonder
do you even miss me
You don't write back
You don't pick up the phone
so tell me baby
what did I do wrong

Chorus-
And I'm crying here tonight
I'm dying here tonight
all alone in my room
thinking it through
I'd give anything for one more day with you
I'm lying here tonight
all alone, it just ain't right
just thinking of you
and thinking it through
I'd give up the rest of my life
for one more day with you


Baby I know
you know I just can't stand it
You want me no more
this ain't how I planned it
it don't make sense
no sense at all
so tell me please
what did I do wrong

Baby I know that
you moved on without me
but I don't think you're really all that happy
you're stuck in a rut
just like I'm stuck in this hole
baby tell me please
where did I go wrong

Chorus


And I'm falling on my knees
just begging for you please
give me one more day
give me one more time
say that your heart
will stay forever mine

Chorus

tomorrow

Ok, so I think I'm about to do something incredibly foolish tomorrow, but I don't care, I have to do it or I will lose my mind forever. Maybe some good will come out of it. Maybe I will get my one more day at least. We shall see....

Here's today's soundtrack-

1) Love Story- Taylor Swift
2) Breathe In- Magic Alex
3) Decode- Paramore
4) Messing With My Head- Tinted Windows
5) My Heart- Paramore
6) Franklin- Paramore
7) That's What You Get- Paramore
8) Emergency- Paramore
9) Oh Star- Paramore
10) Born For This- Paramore
11) Conspiracy- Paramore
12) Misery Business- Paramore

Yeah, I'm on a bit of a Paramore kick today

Thursday soundtrack

What I listened to today

1) Messing With My Head- Tinted Windows
2) Kind of a Girl- Tinted Windows
3) Eyes on Fire- Blue Foundation
4) Cosy in the Rocket- Psapp
5) Love Story- Taylor Swift
6) Need You Now- Hanson
7) Decode- Paramore
8) Pills- The Perishers
9) You're Not Sorry- Taylor Swift
10) Dancing in the Wind- Hanson
11) Lost Without Each Other- Hanson
12) Let it Be- The Beatles

My fault

Sometimes I really feel like this is all my fault. Like the reason things went downhill and the reason for the split is my fault. I know he's scared of losing the most important thing to him, but honestly, nowadays, that can't happen unless you really are a truly terrible person and there is proof of that, and he is neither a terrible person nor is there any proof of anything wrong doing on his part. So it has to be my fault. I know I was scared for certain people in my life to know about us and it probably made it look like I was never gonna take that step, but thats not true. I took the step already. They know what happened and they know I want it back more than anything in this world. But I don't think I'm ever gonna be given that chance again. I blew it. I screwed it up. In other words, maybe I deserve to suffer and be miserable because I had the greatest guy in the entire world and now I'm never gonna get the chance to be with him again. I'd give anything for even just one more day. I'd trade the rest of my days for just one more with him.

Tinted Windows

I just want my Tinted Windows album! Why can't it be next Tuesday right now? I mean, I can't have anything else I want in life, at least I could have the music I want. I just listened to clips on amazon.com and it sounds like I'm going to be able to relate to a lot of the songs really well, plus there are a few "fun" songs thrown in there too. Can't wait to be sitting here writing my review of what is sure to be an amazing album. Then again, anything with a Hanson member in it is bound to be gold. Way to go Taylor, you musical genius :)