Colbie Caillat- "Realize"

I'm in love with this song today. "Realize" by Colbie Caillat


Take time to realize
That your warmth is crashing down on in
Take time to realize
That I am on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you?
But I can't spell it out for you
No, it's never gonna be that simple
No, I can't spell it out for you
If you just realize what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now
Take time to realize
Oh, oh, I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you?
Take time to realize
This all could pass you by
Didn't I tell you?
But I can't spell it out for you
No, it's never gonna be that simple
No, I cant spell it out for you
If you just realize what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
and we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
We'd never have to wonderIf we missed out on each other

"I'm a Wreck, I'm a Mess"

Just some more lyrics I wrote at work today. Don't have music for this one just yet.

"Driving on home
after another long day
looking back at everything in the mirror
I'm missing your lips and the taste of your kiss
it's hard to believe it was real

I'm a wreck, I'm a mess
it's so hard to make sense
why my life was ripped from me
so suddenly
Why you went away
with not much to say
I don't understand how you could leave me alone

We fought for our love
we threw it back in their faces
and we smiled, we laughed
we were in love
guess the fight got too hard
and I wasn't enough
cuz you gave up, yeah baby
you gave me right up

I'm not mad, I'm just sad
I know you had your reasons
you'd be with me baby if you could
I'm a wreck, I'm a mess
it's so hard to make sense
but I'll be here
yeah I'll still be right here
just a wreck, just a mess
just in love"

Wreck of the Day

One thing I know for sure...I'm in love and always will be. There's nothing that can happen to me and there's nothing that anyone can say to me to change how I feel. No matter how much of a wreck I am over losing what I had, I still say it's worth the pain. When he's not around, I feel like less of a person. Just his presence is a piece of me that is too strong to let go of. I don't want anyone else. I fear that no one will ever compare. No one ever can compare. Call me crazy, call m obsessive or whatever other name in the book there is, it's not gonna sway my feelings. Love isn't supposed to make sense after all.

To whom I hope is reading all of my posts, please don't be afraid of what I say. It merely feelings I must get out, and you know you are the only person I've ever truly been able to talk to. Just take what I say and don't think less of me for it, please.

At least I still have music. This is one crazy, mixed up world in which I feel like most people are just barely getting by, just like me. You can hear that in the music. We are all just trying so desperately to hang on and not give up. Even in songs that aren't so serious on the surface, maybe the artists are just trying to lighten the darkened mood, the black cloud that seems to constantly surround us all. I may never really figure anything out. But like I said, I know one thing for sure. It's that love is worth fighting for. Love is worth the pain.

Reckless

I don't know why, but lately I really feel like doing reckless things. Like Bella in "New Moon" when she lost Edward and she would do anything reckless just to hear his voice (read Twilight series if you don't get that reference.) It's really strange. I got my cartilage pierced on my left ear over the weekend just for the hell of it. I'm thinking about getting a tattoo and maybe dying my hair a different color. What the heck is wrong with me? I never used to think about doing this stuff. Not like getting an ear piercing is anything to write home about, but when you're me, you don't ever think about just randomly doing things like that. Guess there's things about me that have changed over the last few months.

New song lyrics

Don't have a title for this one yet....


"Why do the answers
always elude those who seek
my mind keeps on searching
but I never find anything

And the searching leads to loving
and the loving leads to pain
and pretty soon you're left
wishing you couldn't feel anything

And the answers are non-existent
to the ones who need them the most
to the ones who can't get what they want
to the ones who have already lost

You could probably tell any kind of lie to my face
I'd sit there and smile and believe every word you say
and the lies they lead to loving
and the loving leads to pain
and pretty soon you're left
wishing you couldn't feel anything

And the answers are non-existent
to the ones who need them the most
to the ones who can't get what they want
to the ones who have already lost

Oh and I've been running in my sleep
trying to find you, but you're always so out of reach
out of reach..

It's just not fair

And the answers are non-existent
to the ones who need them the most
to the ones who can't get what they want
to the ones who have already lost

And the answers they stay hidden
and they won't come out to play
they just laugh and keep me locked up
day after day after day

Oh the answers, they lead to the truth
and the truth is a fragile thing
and the blood in your mouth
says you've been biting your tongue
you've got something that you won't say"

Now if only I could think of a unique title for it...

Truth, Bitter Truth

I realized a lot this weekend. Firstly, I feel like I have no answers in my life. No answers as to why certain things happen, the real reason why things didn't turn out like I planned or like we planned, what I'm supposed to really be doing with my life, etc. I know I'm wasting my time sittng behind a desk all day when there's probably so much more I could be doing. I would love to work in music, but for one thing there's not that many jobs open in that, and for another I'm afraid that if I work in it I won't love it the same way I do now, and my heart can't handle losing something else that I love so dearly. I really should be on my way to work right now, but I don't feel like going this week at all. My head is spinning with unanswered questions and confusion. I was told once that I've built an imaginary cage around myself, and perhaps this is true because I certainly do feel held back right now, but there's no way to break through that cage when someone else always gets what you want. I can't break through when the world doesn't make sense. It's hard feeling so much older than you really are. I can't talk to anyone because no one else thinks the way I do. At least not at my age. How can your life flash before you at 23? I feel like I've lost all meaning and like I've lost sight of searching for whatever it is my purpose is here. I honestly think that without music I wouldn't still be alive. I've lost too much, it's the only thing keeping me afloat. Someone please give me some answers. Life shouldn't be this confusing or this unfair.

TGIF- What I'm listening to today

Thank God it's raining outside today. I love a good rainy day. It's fits a lonely mood.

1) Portions for Foxes- Rilo Kiley
2) Trouble is a Friend- Lenka
3) Breathe In- Magic Alex
4) Rocket Man- Elton John (something about this song is just very calming to me)
5) Kind of a Girl- Tinted Windows
6) Messing With My Head- Tinted Windows
7) Flightless Bird, American Mouth- Iron and Wine (can't get enough of it)
8) After Hours- We Are Scientists
9) The First Single- The Format
10) Does He Love You?- Rilo Kiley