Truth, Bitter Truth

I realized a lot this weekend. Firstly, I feel like I have no answers in my life. No answers as to why certain things happen, the real reason why things didn't turn out like I planned or like we planned, what I'm supposed to really be doing with my life, etc. I know I'm wasting my time sittng behind a desk all day when there's probably so much more I could be doing. I would love to work in music, but for one thing there's not that many jobs open in that, and for another I'm afraid that if I work in it I won't love it the same way I do now, and my heart can't handle losing something else that I love so dearly. I really should be on my way to work right now, but I don't feel like going this week at all. My head is spinning with unanswered questions and confusion. I was told once that I've built an imaginary cage around myself, and perhaps this is true because I certainly do feel held back right now, but there's no way to break through that cage when someone else always gets what you want. I can't break through when the world doesn't make sense. It's hard feeling so much older than you really are. I can't talk to anyone because no one else thinks the way I do. At least not at my age. How can your life flash before you at 23? I feel like I've lost all meaning and like I've lost sight of searching for whatever it is my purpose is here. I honestly think that without music I wouldn't still be alive. I've lost too much, it's the only thing keeping me afloat. Someone please give me some answers. Life shouldn't be this confusing or this unfair.